I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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