is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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