oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
