My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
