i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
