the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
