it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
