Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
