My first STD was from a foam party
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
