So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
