"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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