i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
