she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
