I just threw up on my dentist
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
