I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
