Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
