I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
