1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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