Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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