i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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