I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Randomize
