Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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