Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
