Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
