I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
