With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
