How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
