Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
