You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
