Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
