How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
