I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
