feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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