he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
