My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
