this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
