i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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