I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
