3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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