Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
