if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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