It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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