How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
