Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
