Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Your dad touched me again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
