Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
