go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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