My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How external is "for external use only"?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
