Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
