is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
