i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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