Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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