Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
