Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
