He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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